...d a y d r e a m e r...

it must be nice to disappear..




..to have a vanishing act..




..to always be looking forward..




..and never looking back.




how nice is it to disappear..




..to float into a mist..




with a young lady on your arm..




looking for a kiss.




biRdy biRdy in the sKy.. wHy did u d0 thAt in mY eYe? loOks liKe suGar, taSte liKe sAp.. oH mY gOsh iTs biRdy crAp!!


   




...I loved you once...
...You loved me not...
...I loved you twice...
...But then I thought...
...You never loved me...
...You never will...
...But even so ...
...I love you still...



does anyone feel what i feel?
this pain that stabs so strong?
this pain that haunts me in my sleep
if so you know this song:
no longer shall i suffer
no longer shall i cry
no longer shall i see the day
when highschool pasts me by
i know you hate me
thats all you have to say
the only time i'm actually me
is whenever you're away
but since you're always here
i hate to say my friend
this pain i hold is much to bare
and afraid that it must end.



i hate not knowing
what goes on in your head
what you're thinking, what you're dreaming
as you lay in your bed.
and as i lay in mine, i can only hope
that we're wising on the same star
cuz i need you and you need me
lonely.. that is what we are.
maybe if we hold onto eachother
and never let go
we'll uncover secrets
and things will happen, they'll go with the flow.
but i already had that chance
and i let it slip away
i would've come to you in a heartbeat
if only i heard you calling my name.
now i have to live w/o knowing
and i hate not knowing
but until you call my name again
i'll wait and keep on going.



please hold me and hold tight
for id you dont i'll drift away
away into the nite
completely out of sight
and i'll be taken on a desperate flight
to find one who wont let me go
i just hope you knoq
that i thought that one was you
and all i asked was for a sign
a sign that showed you cared for me
cuz all i want right now
is to simply make you mine.



*Never give up if u still wanna try*
*Never wipe your tears if u still wanna cry*
*Never settle for the answer if u still wanna know*
*Never say u don't like him if u can't let him go*



pain is when you hurt me
with those words you left behind
those words u left, hurt u see
i think you think i'm blind
but i'm proud to say i am not blind
i see crystal clear
those words you say arent hard to find
because you are so near

pain is when i count days
when you will come back home
our dreams together fade aways
like little clouds of foam
i know i'll see you again someday
maybe not till school
i know somehow i'll find a way
to try and play it cool

until then i will not fear
this pain that haunts my nites
this pain that lurks beneath my skin
this pain from deep inside.








<bgsound src="http://www.msealsmusic.com/msealsmusic/user/music/PHANTOMPLANET.WMA" loop=1 hidden="true">








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Sunday, May 02, 2004
grounded.. gah

ok so yeah this might be the last entry will post for a while. occassionally, i will sneak on to the computer and post a couple things. but yeah i'm grounded so for the most part i wont be online. that includes aim and stuff. boo. BUT my cell will still be on and i will be able to talk at nite ((altho i'm grounded from that too.. lol.)) but i will accept any calls especially at nite. ttfn.

Posted at 01:03 pm by hunkydory0322
Comments (3)

Thursday, April 29, 2004
wow.. long time no update.. hehe.

wow so yeah its been a while since i've updated.. sry about that. i've been kinda lazy. teehee. well yeah i guess things are going good.. except for the fact that progress reports are coming out this weekend.. and i'm screwed. bah. still need to get my bio and alg2 grades up.. those are the lowest right now i think. other than that, guard is over, but we're still practicing our dance for "music under the stars" concert in a few weeks. thats gonna be great fun. we get to wear suspenders!! muahaha. so yeah i wanna say happy birthday to a few people..

happy birthday josh and misa!! i love u both.. even tho you're old farts now!! haha!!

my birthday is.. well, march. so yeah it passed. lol.

next wednesday: everyone has to watch the OC cuz its the season finale!! woooo!!

Posted at 04:39 pm by hunkydory0322
Comments (3)

Wednesday, April 21, 2004
today was better.. muuuuuuuch better

so yeah.. today was a "yay" day. i didnt have a tummy ache.. well i did cuz i was hungry, but yeah. lol. i have to remember to bring syd's cds.. hopefully i wont forget.

and oh yeah.. star testing sux big butts ((except for the fact that we only get 30min for each class -- and only 3 classes -- no hw, and a longer lunch.....teehee))

leave me some love.
ttfn.

Posted at 08:37 pm by hunkydory0322
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Tuesday, April 20, 2004
finally updating..

well we went to san diego last weekend.. waaaaay fun. we got 6th in prelims w/a score of 90.2 and then in finals we got a 90.8 so all in all, it was a great weekend. got to go to boomers w/deleno HS.. went to some italian restaurant and it was too yummy.. then went to disneyland on sunday. i only got about 4-5 hours of sleep each nite i was up there, and we had about two practices each day on thursday, friday, and saturday. pain in the butt. and then finals came along and we were soooo excited cause last year we didnt even make finals. we got 17th place last year.. this year, 6th!!! amazing. i cant wait till next year. i wonder what our show is gonna be......hmm.....

so yeah today was really shitty. i felt shitty.. partially cuz i'm gonna start my period soon ((like u needed to know that lol)), partially cuz guard is over until summer, partially cuz of parents and school/grades.. and partially cuz of something else that i would rather not discuss on here, but its been bugging me since san diego, and just thinking about it made my tummy hurt all day today. it wasnt like a sick feeling, it was one of those tummy aches u got whenever u were keeping something emotional bottled up. i hate those and i rarely have em, but today i did. oh well.


...have u ever had one of those nites were u just need someone? i'm having one of those nites right now...

Posted at 10:51 pm by hunkydory0322
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Sunday, April 11, 2004
happy easter!!

so yeah.. its easter. i'm a bit sad b/c we arent doing our annual easter egg hunt in my house with my sisters. always good fun and lots of memories. but not anymore.. my mom is too lazy to put candee in the eggs and then hide them. bah oh well.. things change i guess. anyway, i just got back from church about an hour ago, and we're going to go eat lunch at marie calendars.. yummy. but its gonna be boring cuz my sister is feeling sick so shes not going with us.. how sad. i hope she gets better soon. tomorrow i have practice.. goodie. then i'm going to a potluck at camie's.. good times. prolly stuff my face then go to scotts house, he wants to show me his bug suit so we can go super spyin' at juans house.. *oops* did i say that outloud?? lol. leave me some love. ttfn.

Posted at 01:36 pm by hunkydory0322
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Saturday, April 10, 2004
wooo i'm back from magic mountain..

and it was a BLAST. we left home around 6.30-ish and got there right when it opened. we ran to X and we were in line for just about 30 min. it was boooooomb. the first drop was hecka scary and as stef said ((i saw her and mark at the park too)) "i didnt know where i was in space" lol if that makes sense to anybody. but yeah anyways.. we then road de javu, riddlers revenge, and goliath. i put syd in my pocket for those last three rides. we were supposed to go on batman.. but i had to pee really bad ((for those of u who understand.. it shouldnt be anything new)) and my sister wouldnt let me get outta line and come back. she was being really anal about leaving me alone. bah. so she went outta line w/me.. and we lost our place. figures. so um yeah we were in the park till 10 and we only road 4 rides.. nice, yeah?? NOT. the lines were sooooo long. and my parents only gave me $30 for food and stuff.. and of course i ran outta money. bah. w/e. then we got lost on the way home. so the trip back ended up being about 4 hours. so yeah.. that was friday.

today, i went to the mall w/syd and kristen. OMG it was sooooo funny!!! when me and syd got there, we were supposed to meet kristen but we couldnt find her. and she didnt have her cell phone. so we couldnt call her. so me and syd were walking up and down from the food court to forever21 like 50 times, when kristen finally called. lol. then we ate at the food court and went to forever21. where syd got to try on kristens "butt skirt" and a blue button-down shirt w/a collar that was waaaaay cute on her. i tried on two black mini skirts and both of them were cute.. but kristen said she didnt wanna see me in black. then i tried on this big pink poofy flowy dressy thing.. both syd and kristen said it made me look like a ballerina *big cheesy smile* and i was dancing around in it.. fun stuff. we didnt have a camera tho so yeah. lol. but in the end, i bought this tan/brown button-down shirt w/collar in forever21 and a light tan mini skirt from charlotte rousse ((sp?)). so yeah its all good.. i got my outfit for san diego. i wanna get these brown flip flops that are really cute.. but they're kinda expensive. but if i dont get em, then i'll stick with my white ones. they're ok.

alright well i'm gonna go play ddr with my lil sis.. shes been begging me all day. then i'm gonna go spin.. oliver wants us to spin 15-20 min a day.. hes a freak. but what the hell.. theres nothing else better to do.

leave me some love.
ttfn.

Posted at 04:14 pm by hunkydory0322
Comments (2)

Wednesday, April 07, 2004
two down, one to go..

so i'll just lay things out flat and simple in dummy-format. cuz i hurt and i'm too tired to type paragraphs. tomorrow: practice 1-9 friday: magic mountain whole day saturday: going to mall to get me a purty outfit for san diego w/syd, kayla, kristen and jessW if shes allowed. sunday: FREE DAY.. hoorah. monday: practice 9am-2.. guard/drumline potluck thingy at camie's after practice tuesday: practice 5-9.. and at 8pm we're doing this open house thingy which is where anyone can come and watch our last performance in fresno b4 championships in san diego. *note: clovis high will be performing too. wednesday-sunday: we will be in san diego for WGI world champs. wish us luck.

Posted at 08:36 pm by hunkydory0322
Comments (5)

Tuesday, April 06, 2004
one practice down, two more to go..

practice went by quicker than i expected. the first part went by slower than the part after dinner tho.. i think it was just cuz i was hungry. teehee.

i get to go see the band when they get here tonite. its about time they do cuz i feel so lonely w/o my sister here. and w/o ppl to talk to online.. not that there isnt anyone to talk to, just that my bL only goes up to like 7 ppl, so theres more variety when ppl from band gets on. ((tru bando girl.. lol)) and then syd and kayla come back either tonite or tomorrow.. i'm pretty sure they're coming back tomorrow. so thats two more ppl to add to my bL lol. yay i'm so happy. lol. i miss them.

eh practice tomorrow.. not so excited. i got a burning sensation on the side of my feet and a stinging sensation in the inner part of my left knee.. hurts like a mother. and the two lil cuts on my feet opened up again.. so they hurt. and my head is throbbing.. soooooo yeah.

ttfn.
leave me some love.

Posted at 10:08 pm by hunkydory0322
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Monday, April 05, 2004
yesterday..

well yesterday was a bit interesting. didnt expect it to turn out the way it did. i woke up, went to church, then i went to target to restock on makeup ((i think someone stole my other ones)) and i'm still missing a couple things.. like a makeup bag, show glitter, and shimmer stuff. i saw stef which was kinda funny cuz when i saw her i couldnt tell if it was her. so i just sat waiting for her to turn around so i could make sure it was her before i gave her a hug. haha. then i went to go see the passion w/my mom. and yes i did cry people.. lol. i dont wanna see it again.. its horrible. but its something that really happened so i had to see it at least once, u know? then i went to foster freeze and got some ice cream *yum yum* and when i get home, scott and kevinG come over to swim. haha dorks.. i told them my pool was ice cold, haha u shoulda seen the look on their faces. priceless. then they played some ddr.. i wasnt in the mood to play so i didnt. then after they left, i just chatted online and watched tv.. u know, all that good stuff.

and kayla and syd need to come back.. b/c they're in marine world right now and i'm soooooo jealous!! lol. oh well thats ok i get to go to magic mountain on friday *big cheezy smile*

gah i have practice tomorrow, wednesday, and thursday. not really looking forward to it. they're gonna be sooooo looooooooong. then next monday ((the monday we have off before school starts up again)) is a potluck thingy at camies. fun stuff. then school and then SAN DIEGO BABY!!! woo hoo!! i'm soooo excited!! i still havent gotten my outfit for the fancy dinner thing we're gonna be having up there. but i will be going saturday w/ syd, kayla, and kristen. maybe jessW if she wants to come.

and yeah today i'm not gonna be doing anything. bah. oh well. i'll suck it up.

ttfn.
leave me some love.

Posted at 12:02 pm by hunkydory0322
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Saturday, April 03, 2004
bah

yes so far everything this week has been poopy. except for my grades. i got a B+ on my bio test and a B on my history test.. that i actually studied for. well actually i didnt study.. just wasnt falling asleep in class as much. and then another good thing was all the guard practices i had this week.. it wasnt so hectic. on tuesday we just worked on a dance that we're gonna be performing for "music under the stars" at the end of the year. thursday all we did was stretch, dance, flag block, three sections, and then one full run in place. and after, oliver told us that he was so proud of us and that we're on the verge of being phenominal. those were his exact words. and yesterday was day on the green.. soooooo boring. we all decided that next year we're going off campus cuz the stupid teachers wouldnt let us go to the bandroom at lunch.. so we were stuck eating where everyone else was. ((thats the thing about being part of the band.. we only like to hang out with each other.. lol)) and last nite i went ot the movies with syd, kristen and jessW. we went to go see secret window.. SO freaky. it was twisted, sick, and wrong.. and HE ATE THEM!! thats all i have to say about that.. lol. after the movie, we hung out till 9 pm w/ scott, rory, ray, katyP, etc. and we were watching them play ddr. i was tempted to play.. but i decided not to. lol. so that was the good stuff that happened this week.

the bad stuff is that band left for florida on wednesday *tear* i miss them sooooo much!! its not the same.. the two ppl i really miss the most is allen and my sister. allen b/c he is always so happy and full of energy.. and when he's not here, well, its just different and not as much fun. and my sister b/c when we're here at home, we do stuff together ((play ddr, watch movies, wander and be stupid.. lol)) and w/o her here, i feel like my parents are on my back 24/7 ((well thats how they are even when my sister is around, come to think about it. especially since they remind me daily that i'm the screw up outta the three of us)) but w/e. that would be another bad thing.. and then yet another is that i cant go to syds house today ((she invited me to go have fajitas w/them.. then spend the nite)). my mom said i could go if i didnt give her attitude.. which i didnt. i has just barely woken up and she told me that i couldnt go because - check this out- because i forgot to put my retainer on last nite. WTF!! i didnt give her attitude.. and i wasnt planning to b/c i really wanted to go to syds house.. but no. even things that slip my mind i get busted for and i have to suffer consequences. i hate it how they want me to be perfect.. i cant be perfect. i cant be like my other sisters dammit. ok well i'm gonna go cry my eyes out.. my mother say my lil cuts in my wrist, and i told her they were from daisy. she believed me thank god.


ttfn.

Posted at 10:22 am by hunkydory0322
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